All I want is a cheeseburger!!!

All I want is a cheeseburger! I am now 0 for 3 when it comes to successfully ordering a cheeseburger. How hard could it be, you might ask. The first time I ordered it, I got small pieces of boiled chicken covered by a square of processed cheese inside a hamburger bun. I sent it back, explaining that a cheeseburger was beef, and they apologized and hurried to remedy the problem. The second time it came out, it was a breaded chicken patty with cheese on it. Seeing that I was fighting a losing battle, I smiled, said 'thank you', and ate it. The next night, still jonesing for a cheeseburger, I tried my luck again (different restaurant). Once again, chicken with cheese on top. What is the deal?!

In a related incident, Caroline ordered an Irish coffee and got some kind of iced coffee with whipped cream on top. When the Lonely Planet said the food on Koh Phangan was bad, I had no idea.